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| Dream Life of the Future | Web 2.0 - Examples and Explanation | ||
| Sunday, 29th April, 2007 at 14:15 pm | |||
“If I HAVE to lose my Virginity…” | |||
I was investigating Swedish blog directories and visited “Tjejsajten” [translation: The Girls’ Site]. I was thinking about possibly adding my own site to their blog directory. But I first wanted to get a feel for the blogs listed there.
Scene of the ‘crime’… Nice site though…
It was quite a mix, but it is safe to say that Shopping and Relationships were by far the most popular topics! I haven’t added my site yet. I am not sure it fits in, and besides, the site is 100% Swedish language only. For the time being I am blogging in English.
May or may not
be the same girl
Well, in order to check the site out, I clicked on some completely random links. One of the links surprisingly took me to the pages of a rather junior member of the site; a 14 year-old girl who lives in one of the largest towns in Southern Sweden.
I got so touched and upset when I noticed the following entry on her blog: (translated from Swedish)
…If I HAVE to lose my virginity, I would at least want it to be to somebody who has some feelings for me, not just somebody who is horny…
Isn’t that awful?! Why does she feel that she should “have to” lose her virginity at all?
In my ‘expert’ 
opinion, most teenage boys cannot differentiate between sexual feelings and actual love! (I think some men stay that way all life by the way.)
Her odds of finding somebody who ‘has some feelings” for her should therefore be pretty good… But I would guess that the second part of her sentence will play in too, equally strongly…!
Why, oh why do we live in a society where a nice, sweet, intelligent girl feels that there is something wrong with her being a virgin at 14?
- What if she gets pregnant? Then she’ll be in an awful dilemma, having to choose between being a single teenage mother and having an abortion.
- What if she gets some horrid disease? Then she’ll start off her sex-life in the most off-putting and depressing way!
- What about when he dumps her for the prettier/cooler/more experienced girl next door? How much more awful won’t she feel about it?
- Or perhaps it is she that discovers that he wasn’t really the guy for her after all. She’ll feel a right idiot then, having lost her virginity to someone she doesn’t even fancy!
- And what about the fact that it actually hurts quite badly to loose your virginity? The very best man to share that experience with is your husband!
(I suppose there are some more or less socially and politically correct alternatives, such as a man who you are in a ‘committed relationship’ with.) But really, it is an important event, a milestone for any woman. This young girl seems to be about to take the step without realising she is actually giving away a precious part of herself forever.
(Personally I gave away that part of myself at 19, to an (admittedly) very handsome Israeli soldier whose name I have forgotten. It hurt like crazy and I regretted my ‘decision’ to ‘get rid of’ my virginity before the act was even completed. I managed to ‘hold out’ for the duration though…I still remember how I had to force myself not to cry out. Oh horror!
I couldn’t blame it on the guy though. He had no idea I was a virgin and I never let on…The blood didn’t come until the next day. Bear in mind though though, that I had grown up thinking that virginity was outdated and undesirable. I was convinced it was necessary to loose my virginity before I turned 20…)
The girl’s blog entry was posted in February and she has not updated her blog since…. I wonder what happened? Perhaps it is already too late, but I wrote this message to her: (translated from Swedish)
Sweetie, please don’t go losing your virginity just because you are under the impression that it is uncool to remain a virgin.
It really is quite the opposite; it is cool to value yourself enough not to let anybody get that intimate with you until he has TOTALLY convinced you that he is worthy. Honey, you are both clever and pretty!
Teenage guys really mainly want one things from girls… Why should a great girl like you waste that on some idiot who is likely to dump you for another conquest a few months from now? Or why waste it on somebody whom you may very well find useless a few months from now?
Please try to hang in there with the virginity until you are at least 20. At that age you can make a more adult and mature evaluation of the situation. Trust me, EVERYBODY I know wish they had waited until then.
Also, think about how pleased and proud you will be that you waited, when you meet that great man who may even be your future husband… He is guaranteed to be impressed and will end up with much stronger feelings for you because of it.
I have experienced what she is experiencing. The attitudes were more or less the same then (approx. 1990) as they are now. All that’s changed since then is the arrival of the internet and reality TV…
Anyway, I think such attitudes are wrong! This girl is not a slut, she is a ‘victim’ of sorts, of a very skewed culture.
What do you think?
Technorati Tags: conservative,
traditional,women,
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Admittedly, I’m ashamed to be part of the gender which celebrates sexual promiscuity in themselves as a positive trait and yet spurns it in the opposite sex. Daily, I feel a surge of gnawing self-loathing for this and every other “man”-made atrocity perpetrated upon our sisters. We should probably be annihilated.
However, the pun, “LOOSE,” was just too funny when talking about virgins.
Thanks for the comment and it’s a good thing that you see the contradiction there.
There are some contradictions with women too, and I guess the most important thing is just to be aware of them…
About “LOOSE”: Oh no, how silly! I just spelled it wrongly! English is not my mother tongue and sometimes I make rather silly mistakes.
I didn’t even see it until you pointed it out. I have fixed it now. *blush*
Off to the hair-dressers now, laters
I found your blog via minthegap.com, where you commented today.
Good post, good thoughts.
I am also located in Sweden, so it is great to see somebody else from here, too, who is a Christian!
What a sad commentary about the state of our culture today. I’m glad you see this for what it is!
i am a 44 year old MALE VIRGIN. i became permantly disabled by gunshot wounds to my person when i was working as a Ersatz Police Officer (a Security Officer/Guard) just after i had turned 21. My advise to kids: take and accept EVERY chance to GIVE
your virginity up. Who knows, you may never have another chance.
Steven
Steven, I am very sorry to hear about the accident. It is understandable that you take this position. However I’d say that the odds of that happening are really slim…You had really bad luck. I have a sort of a handicap too, so I know something about where you’re at. But I have never heard of anybody else having such an accident before. I wish there was something I could do to help! All the best, Cordelia
triplikido-> Don’t sell out your fellow comrades. take responsibility of what you do, not for what other males do. I’t saddens me to here this. Either you’re really ashamed, or you kissing ass. Either way, I don’t like it.
Steven->First of all, I’m very sorry to hear about your accident. What a sad thing. But that doesn’t give you the right to give the readers such a stupid advise, as you were giving.
My advise to you is, spend ALL your money, cause you never know if we will experience inflation in the world tomorrow, and all of your money will be useless. Better go spend it all.
Cordelia-> I totally agree with you on this topic. I’m from Denmark, and I see this phenomenon here aswell.
We even had this pact, 3 guys from my school, me included. Who could get laid, first before school was over. 16 year olds. I lost, or should I say, my moral and my spine won.
And I waited till I was 19 and in love with my girlfriend at that time.
I actually smiled when I read your mail to this girl. Her story was really sad, but it made me happy, that there are people like you, who care about others, even if the personal gain from the situation is equivalent to null.
I stumbled upon your site by and “accident”, but now I know what will keep me busy, the next couple of nights.
/Savio
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