I couldn’t go running today after all. In my current state I actually can’t leave the house. I’d have an embarrassing accident within 15-30 minutes. Besides, my head feels light and spinning. Lord knows how much blood I am losing, but it is at least a pint since this morning. I have been losing blood at this rate since yesterday, and there are a few days to go until it’s over.

Apart from the practicalities - well let’s not go there - the whole thing is very depressing and upsetting. People reading this probably find it gross, but it is the foremost thing on my mind right now and I simply have to mention it. Basically, I am not able to function in any way normally for about four days a month. Today is one of them. Another four or five days are a challenge, but bearable.

This period should have been better - it’s been long enough since the fibroid surgery. Yet, it has actually got worse. Where is this going to end? Am I going to simply bleed to death? Of course, I know that won’t happen, but in my current state I feel as if it is a possibility.

What am I going to do if I don’t get better? I can’t take 6 weeks off and have a myomectomy! That’s not even a very good solution anyway.

Tomorrow I am going to have to go to work and pretend that everything is fine. It’s a REALLY difficult tricky to pull off, since I will be weak and will have to visit the powder room every 30 minutes.

I feel really wretched about the whole thing. I just feel like crying.

I don’t want to eat meat, but I’d better have a steak or something like that, together with spinach and more of the iron-fortified energy drink. Ugh.

I have downloaded an America drama called Jericho (cool!) and am watching it while feeling pretty sorry for myself.