This entire post has been cut and pasted from the profile that eHarmony (the web based ’scientific’ dating service) created about me, based on their online questionnaire. Whilst there is definitely plenty of truth in this, I am not so sure that I really like this profile.

It was the two earlier posts Dream Life of the Future and Dream Life Action Plan, Part 1 that prompted me to get signed up. I wonder what kind of guys would it match me with based on this though? A nice, caring, clever and tall one, hopefully! If you have experience of this site, please leave a comment!

Introduction to Agreeableness

This section of your profile describes your interactions with other people. The ways we communicate our feelings, beliefs and ideas to others are influenced by our cultural backgrounds, the way we were raised, and sometimes which side of the bed we got up on this morning.
It took 20 minutes to do the test.
Some of us are very mindful of others making decisions we hope will be in their best interests, even if it means sometimes neglecting our own interests.

Others of us believe each person should be responsible for themselves, taking deep pride in our own character and independence with a firm belief that others are best served by doing the same. The following describes how you engage with others; illustrating the dimension of your personality that determines your independence or your desire to reach out and touch others in meaningful ways.

You are best described as:

“Taking care of others and taking care of yourself.”

Words that describe you:

I may have misunderstood,
or ticked the wrong boxes!

• Fair
• Considered
• Collaborative
• Responsive
• Sensible
• Diplomatic
• Contemplative
• Indulgent
• Rational

How You Interact…

You are important. So are other people, especially if they are in trouble. You have a tender heart, but you know how to establish and keep personal boundaries. You are empathetic and compassionate, but you also believe that it’s best if people solve their own problems and learn to take care of themselves, if they are able.

You are deeply moved by the needs of others, but you know that if you don’t take good care of yourself, you’ll wind up being of no use to anyone. So yours is a thoughtful compassion. You strive to be fair and sensible, taking care of others while also taking care of yourself.

When someone really is in trouble, you like to collaborate with them toward a solution; they do their part, you do yours. You consider carefully, and respond in a sensible way; they do their part, and together you move through the difficulty.

You seldom act impulsively; rather, when a problem arises, you take your time to think through the situation. This contemplative quality usually means that you’ll arrive at a diplomatic solution, one that’s fair for the other person and also fair to you. It’s frequently a win/win situation.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

For people who are ruled by tender-hearted compassion, your more diplomatic response to problems might seem too cool, too focused on fairness and not filled enough with sympathy and selflessness.

For them, when someone’s life is on fire, what is needed is not collaboration but rescue. And the person who experiences their life on fire may resent the time you take to contemplate. “I need you, and I need you NOW! This isn’t about fairness, it’s about the fire.” “All deliberate speed” may seem too deliberate and not fast enough, either to the more compassionate or to people in genuine trouble.

At the other end of the spectrum of compassion, those who believe people should take care of themselves may find even your thoughtful sympathies too soft. They expect people, themselves included, to work their own way out of trouble. They are convinced that the helping hand you lend just fosters dependence and is not good for the development of character, either in you or in the person you assist.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

Many people, perhaps the majority, will come to appreciate your balance as a compassionate person. The more they get to know you, the more they will admire your thoughtful compassion for others and its compliment in the sensible ways you take good care of yourself.

Those whom you help will appreciate the way you leave them with their dignity by expecting them to collaborate in their own rescue. Those who are more tender-hearted will find in you a balance they lack; when they’ve run out of energy because they fail to take good care of themselves, you will still have enough compassion left to lift others out of trouble.

Even the tough-hearted, those who believe people should solve their own problems, might come to admire your tenderness which they don’t find in themselves. So the people you help will be grateful, and the people who see your balance between self and others will admire you. Certainly, balanced is not bad at all as a way to be known among your friends.
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This should be a follow up from yesterday’s post, but I am too tired to write much. Just to say that I will sign up with a few dating services, particularly eHarmony - I like the sound of that one.

Why do I do it online? I just like the privacy. And I am busy. Men sometimes scare me. I never liked clubbing and my social group is not large enough that often meet new men. Enough said.

I’d love it if somebody else, or a few other women wanted to start dating at the same time. We could do it together, like a kind of moral support thing. We could work out the details later. Perhaps we could run a private blog about it.

So if you are a single woman with a traditional take on relationships, please contact me, see left!

UPDATE:
I haven’t got very high hope for this idea to be honest, but it was worth a try. If nobody is interested I’ll just delete the whole post - it’s pretty silly really.

But dating and men scare me at the minute and it would be nice to have the support of other women.

I’ve got to do something about my situation though, with or with out support.
Oh well.

This entry is a day-dream. It is written to sound like it’s going on right now, but really, it’s just fantasy. A real day in my life is more like this.

I live in the countryside, far away from the stress and crowds of the big cities. My husband and I have a lovely house that is spacious and comfortable but not ostentatious. I have decorated it to make it cosy, inviting and stylish.

The house has several ecological features and is environmentally sound. It is well-insulated and has some solar panels on the roof. Our garden contains vegetables that are appropriate for the climate. There are fruit trees various bushes with berries. I harvest it all and save it for cooking.

Oh, I haven’t talked much about my (dream) husband yet. He is a great man. I love him to bits and admire him a lot. I trust him completely and he is so clever. He is taller than my 5’10” and has a great smile when he is happy. His looks are neither here nor there. I love him for who he is.

He is a man who has tons of integrity. He has work ethics and personal ethics. He does what he says he is going to do.

Since getting to know him I have lost my old attraction to doing ‘naughty’ things. I used to like having a spliff at parties, having a cigarette when I felt stressed, or shoplifting cheap stuff to avoid queuing to pay. But I want my husband to be proud of having me as a wife, so no more of any of that stuff!

When he touches me he makes me feel in a way that no man ever has. I didn’t use to care much for sex before him. It wasn’t difficult to keep to adhere to my (relatively) high moral standards with regards to sex as I simply wasn’t even tempted very often. But since I met my husband I have got quite into sex and often can’t wait for him to get home when he is away!
Is this the house? I loved the picture…
I know what type of clothes he finds attractive and sexy and I often choose those types of clothes on purpose. He is my husband and I can be as seductive as I want with him since it’s legit in the eyes of God…

My husband has plenty of interests that I don’t share. It’s mainly blokey stuff that I don’t mind him doing, but that I don’t want to participate in myself.

That’s great; it gives me time to do things outside of the relationship, which I like. I was never one of those ‘glued-to-my-man’ kind of woman. When he is off doing these things, I spend time with my female friends, look after myself or organise my house and work on some cool and somewhat profitable Web2 projects. I am able to make a bit of money on an online business. I have also become something of a Domestic Goddess and I find that very fulfilling.
Riding the bicycle on rural roads
We have really interesting neighbours in our area. Some are countryside people who have lived there all their lives. Others are old city-dwellers, who have come here seeking a different lifestyle.

Since moving here I have got to know some great people; I am now in a sewing circle, and sometimes help out with community matters. I also baby-sit and am part of a nice church. Finally I have time and energy for female friendship, and there are some really nice women around. A few times I have taught IT in the local school. It’s great to finally be part of a community.

My husband supports our family (currently only him and me, but guess what – I just found out that I am pregnant! Can’t wait to tell my husband, but how do I tell him and make it really special? )

I support him back in every way that I can, making sure that he has a nice home to relax in and that he gets healthy and tasty food to eat. Whenever he needs me I am there. When he doesn’t need me… I do something else! I listen to him and try to be as supportive as I can when he talks about his work. I am so proud of him, he is doing really well and I lack for nothing. I know he’ll make a very good father when the day comes.

We live near the water, something that means a lot to me. My husband is thinking of buying a boat and I can’t wait for it to happen so we can go boating. I don’t mind whether it will be a motor boat or a sailing yacht, either is great.
Down by the lake….
Our house is surrounded by trees and wildlife. There are some great trails around and I often go hiking, running or looking for berries and mushrooms.

I keep my bicycle for riding to the shops, but sometimes I drive; I have finally managed to get a driving licence thanks to the patience and support of my husband. Not a day too early. I can’t believe it took me so long to learn to drive; now it seems so easy! Our car is environmentally friendly.

Oh, I’ve got to go – my husband is on his way in with some wood that he’s been out chopping. We’ll lit a fire in the fireplace tonight – can’t wait to cuddle up in front of the fire and hear about what he’s been up to today. The sun is sinking below the horizon and another blessed day is coming to an end. What a charmed life I lead!

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