I was investigating Swedish blog directories and visited “Tjejsajten” [translation: The Girls’ Site]. I was thinking about possibly adding my own site to their blog directory. But I first wanted to get a feel for the blogs listed there.
Scene of the ‘crime’… Nice site though…
It was quite a mix, but it is safe to say that Shopping and Relationships were by far the most popular topics! I haven’t added my site yet. I am not sure it fits in, and besides, the site is 100% Swedish language only. For the time being I am blogging in English.
May or may not
be the same girl
Well, in order to check the site out, I clicked on some completely random links. One of the links surprisingly took me to the pages of a rather junior member of the site; a 14 year-old girl who lives in one of the largest towns in Southern Sweden.

I got so touched and upset when I noticed the following entry on her blog: (translated from Swedish)

…If I HAVE to lose my virginity, I would at least want it to be to somebody who has some feelings for me, not just somebody who is horny…

Isn’t that awful?! Why does she feel that she should “have to” lose her virginity at all?

In my ‘expert’ opinion, most teenage boys cannot differentiate between sexual feelings and actual love! (I think some men stay that way all life by the way.)

Her odds of finding somebody who ‘has some feelings” for her should therefore be pretty good… But I would guess that the second part of her sentence will play in too, equally strongly…!

Why, oh why do we live in a society where a nice, sweet, intelligent girl feels that there is something wrong with her being a virgin at 14?

• What if she gets pregnant? Then she’ll be in an awful dilemma, having to choose between being a single teenage mother and having an abortion.
• What if she gets some horrid disease? Then she’ll start off her sex-life in the most off-putting and depressing way!
• What about when he dumps her for the prettier/cooler/more experienced girl next door? How much more awful won’t she feel about it?
• Or perhaps it is she that discovers that he wasn’t really the guy for her after all. She’ll feel a right idiot then, having lost her virginity to someone she doesn’t even fancy!
• And what about the fact that it actually hurts quite badly to loose your virginity? The very best man to share that experience with is your husband!

  (I suppose there are some more or less socially and politically correct alternatives, such as a man who you are in a ‘committed relationship’ with.) But really, it is an important event, a milestone for any woman. This young girl seems to be about to take the step without realising she is actually giving away a precious part of herself forever.

(Personally I gave away that part of myself at 19, to an (admittedly) very handsome Israeli soldier whose name I have forgotten. It hurt like crazy and I regretted my ‘decision’ to ‘get rid of’ my virginity before the act was even completed. I managed to ‘hold out’ for the duration though…I still remember how I had to force myself not to cry out. Oh horror!

I couldn’t blame it on the guy though. He had no idea I was a virgin and I never let on…The blood didn’t come until the next day. Bear in mind though though, that I had grown up thinking that virginity was outdated and undesirable. I was convinced it was necessary to loose my virginity before I turned 20…)

The girl’s blog entry was posted in February and she has not updated her blog since…. I wonder what happened? Perhaps it is already too late, but I wrote this message to her: (translated from Swedish)

Sweetie, please don’t go losing your virginity just because you are under the impression that it is uncool to remain a virgin.

It really is quite the opposite; it is cool to value yourself enough not to let anybody get that intimate with you until he has TOTALLY convinced you that he is worthy. Honey, you are both clever and pretty!

Teenage guys really mainly want one things from girls… Why should a great girl like you waste that on some idiot who is likely to dump you for another conquest a few months from now? Or why waste it on somebody whom you may very well find useless a few months from now?

Please try to hang in there with the virginity until you are at least 20. At that age you can make a more adult and mature evaluation of the situation. Trust me, EVERYBODY I know wish they had waited until then.

Also, think about how pleased and proud you will be that you waited, when you meet that great man who may even be your future husband… He is guaranteed to be impressed and will end up with much stronger feelings for you because of it.

I have experienced what she is experiencing. The attitudes were more or less the same then (approx. 1990) as they are now. All that’s changed since then is the arrival of the internet and reality TV…

Anyway, I think such attitudes are wrong! This girl is not a slut, she is a ‘victim’ of sorts, of a very skewed culture.

What do you think?

Technorati Tags: conservative,
traditional,women,
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I was going to follow up on some advice from Isle Dance, but got distracted by the toys on Blogthings.com…. So here is a bit of Myspace style blogging for a change!

I must say I am not surprised! I always knew I was no Samantha or Carrie… I guess I could have been Miranda though, being a career woman and all… But actually, even my friends think I am like Charlotte, come to think of it… They teased me about it a while back. Oh well…. (But I still would prefer Mr Big or Aidan over Charlotte’s beaus (the Jewish lawyer) or the one she married, (the rich guy.) Well ok, here it goes:

You Are Most Like Charlotte!

You are the ultimate romantic idealist You’ve been hurt before, but that hasn’t caused you to give up on love. If anything, your resolve to fall in love is stronger than ever. And it’s this feminine optimism that men find most appealing about you. Romantic prediction: That guy you are seeing (or crushing on)? Could be very serious - if you play your cards right!

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?