I don’t like my job as a project manager in IT. This is not because I particularly dislike the company that I work for. Rather it is because the job I do is ultimately rather meaningless.

By leading a corporate software development project I am not contributing to the greater good in any way whatsoever. Neither am I making a positive difference in anybody’s life. In fact, I am not even doing something that I, myself find fulfilling or stimulating!
My office looks a bit like this. I like that there is lots of daylight.Five years from now, the software that my team is developing will be outdated. It will be ripe for replacement by whatever the preferred technology will turn out to be.

Another interesting point is: Those who will be using the software that my team is developing, don’t actually want it! My team is having to do a very hard sell as the solution is forced on the other European regions by head offices in London.

The honest truth is that quite frankly I’d so much rather be doing the type of work that women traditionally do; (yes feminist, you heard me right!) such as housekeeping, being supportive of a husband, childcare (if I had children), decorating the house, sewing, cooking… well you get it! These activities seem meaningful and fulfilling to me. The activities that I do at work do not.

What is Project Management?

I am leading a team of software developers, business analysts and others in developing a piece of order-handling software… It’s a rather big and high-profile project actually.

Needless to say, the company (FTSE 250) I work for already has an order handling system… It’s just that it wants one that is better than the existing one(which is admittedly a bit rubbish). The system that my team is developing is gradually being rolled out across Europe, as my team completes development and testing.
How I dress for work
Project Mangement has a lot in common with secretarial work, although most project managers would never admit that. In order to do the job you have to be good at admin and be well-organised. This is true for secretaries as well. You need to be able to write fast and reasonably well, and be able to keep your eyes on the bigger picture while not forgetting the details. The bit about the details is true for secretaries too…

Being a project manager also requires good leadership skills, something I mostly lack… (I am doing my best to fake it, but really, I feel quite insecure when I have to be bossy… Sure, I can take command in a group, if necessary. I just don’t like having to be bossy with a group of guys my own age. It makes me feel self-concious and insecure. Sometimes I feel as if everybody is just watching me, waiting for me to make a mistake… )

What I actually DO at work:

But I’d rather be doing this!

• Write reports and update various software tools that keep track of my projects. Gantt charts to name one.
• Reminding/telling people to do things.
• Reading emails (I get swamped by them)
• Attending meetings in person or via conference call (50-75% of meetings are more or less pointless).
• Writing emails to others.
• Compiling various kinds of information, i.e. writing ‘mandatory’ documentation that nobody will read…
• Trying to understand IT-related technical details of the project.
• Trying to understand details relating to what the finished software actually is supposed to be doing (this is known as business analysis.)
• Immediately doing whatever my boss tells me to do (this usually isn’t part of my tightly planned day, but he is the boss…. )

It’s all about the money…
Does this sound fulfilling or even ‘challenging’ to you? No, I didn’t think so! But what’s a girl to do? This pays £50k per year, whereas a teacher (somewhat more fulfilling job I imagine) makes £22-25k if she’s lucky. A seamstress (which I wouldn’t mind being, at least for a while) probably makes 15k or so…

Doing this job allows me to live in a very nice area (although my flat is very small), buy nice clothes and travel within Europe when I want/need to. Perhaps I shouldn’t complain though. No doubt there are people who have jobs that are equally boring as mine, but less well paid.

Sometimes I feel like a kind of mental prostitute, although it is my brain and my time that I am selling. Not my body. Getting to work every morning is an act of mental discipline; forcing myself to do something that is gradually eroding my soul and mental well-being.

I take great care not to let on how much I dislike the job. While at work I am trying to display a neutral and relatively ambitious facade. Good thing I took acting classes growing up. Who would have known I’d end up using them for this? Although the expression ‘Corporate Bullshit’ is often in my thoughts, I would never allude to the fact to anybody. I pretend as if it all is very meaningful. Fake career-girl grin..

I treat all my collegues very well; both those I like (40%) and those I don’t like (60%). Unfortunately I sit right next to a sly, tiresome man in his 50s. He reckons he is just about the smartest man alive (in both senses of the word). I play along in his little game, commenting on how knowledgeable he is…

I act as if I take the boring meetings and pointless memos seriously. It feels like a charade! Being dressed up in a suit adds to that feeling. It is something I’d never volountarily wear outside of work - at least not a navy blue, beige or grey one! Dear God, please spare me from this!

If you saw me at work, you’d never guess that I secretly think it is all nonsense. I use all the cheesy expressions with a completely straight face. Despite my reservations I work really hard while I am at work. I usually do about 9 hours in the office before I go home. Sometimes longer.

What am I doing about it?

I am trying to learn the skills I need in order to become a web designer so that I can run my own web design company and work for myself. Web design has an element of art and creativity in it, and it is good for people who prefer to work by themselves (as I do). Unfortunately it is a very competitive field. I need great skills and an excellent business strategy.

I suppose my dreams of being a housewife (and hopefully mother) can only be fulfilled if I meet the right man, and then only if he proposes to me… Lots of ‘ifs’! More than I dare to trust in. Right now I don’t even feel up for dating.

Web design should be much more satisfying than project management in a corporate environment. This site was my first design project.

Five years from now, I will NOT be doing this!
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